grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
