Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
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lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
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That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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