Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
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I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Blow job season was short but glorious.
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Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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