You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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