Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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