is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
