Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have fence marks all over my body
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
