Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
