and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
