so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize