please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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