Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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