what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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