Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
