i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
