just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
