turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
