I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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