my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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