rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
