I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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