my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
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