i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
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We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
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Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.