I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?