She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.