remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka