Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.