I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?