Texts From Last Night

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  (616): View more from Michigan

  yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.

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  (616): yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage. http://tfl.nu/rey5
  Replies (16) Good night (580) Bad night (2641)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.

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  (519): You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night. http://tfl.nu/cmtj
  Replies (3) Good night (2311) Bad night (833)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.

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  (609): Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares. http://tfl.nu/trym
  Replies (37) Good night (5323) Bad night (925)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.

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  (937): you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half. http://tfl.nu/qnaa
  Replies (29) Good night (5954) Bad night (1412)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying

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  (574): all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying http://tfl.nu/ymvi
  Replies (15) Good night (4789) Bad night (672)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves

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  (815): my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves http://tfl.nu/kwdc
  Replies (28) Good night (5330) Bad night (1150)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition

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  (425): the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition http://tfl.nu/w42o
  Replies (11) Good night (4268) Bad night (1210)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother

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  (816): All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother http://tfl.nu/4v9d
  Replies (11) Good night (2173) Bad night (2979)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car

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  (573): This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car http://tfl.nu/p8ht
  Replies (10) Good night (1557) Bad night (2364)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.

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  (904): You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition. http://tfl.nu/ww1r
  Replies (9) Good night (2068) Bad night (742)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.

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  (608): We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth. http://tfl.nu/k58a
  Replies (29) Good night (2311) Bad night (993)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.

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  (918): She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life. http://tfl.nu/zzux
  Replies (2) Good night (1380) Bad night (914)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.

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  (215): You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you. http://tfl.nu/sg3o
  Replies (7) Good night (1217) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the manischevitz sangria was a big hit

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  (202): the manischevitz sangria was a big hit http://tfl.nu/msd0
  Replies (3) Good night (489) Bad night (346)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.

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  (512): I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds. http://tfl.nu/soup
  Replies (4) Good night (564) Bad night (365)

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