She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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