Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize