forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
