Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
