I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
