Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
