Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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