I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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