spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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