oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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