The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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