She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
