you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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