Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
