I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
