do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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