just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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