Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i came on her dog
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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