See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
