goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
