i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize