You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
