dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
