I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
