So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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