My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
be right there i have to get my cape
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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