now i know why i became what i already was.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
