So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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