the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
