They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
