they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
