I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
