I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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