remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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