This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
