What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
