Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
