It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
